


and at once I knew, I was not magnificent

by brandywine421



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Defenders (Marvel TV), Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cancer, F/M, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: Foggy used the biggest words he could find to explain his diagnosis.  As if anyone heard anything after 'brain tumor', as if anyone processed anything after those two words dropped.  As if Matt remembered how to breathe or what any words that weren't 'brain tumor' meant in the end.He didn't want his parents to come home, he didn't want Marci to watch him get sick, he didn't want - there were so many things that Foggy didn't want - but Matt wasn't listening, wasn't filtering anything past his familiar, steady, alive - beat beat beat - beating heart."Matt."Matt takes Foggy (and Marci) to California.  *cue music*
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Matt Murdock, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Marci Stahl, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson, Matt Murdock & Marci Stahl
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
> Notes:
> 
> *** Eh, this is a Daredevil story in a world where the DC stuff sort of exists and nobody talks about it (Rachel got jokes tho) - it's not a major plot thing, but the Titans are in San Francisco and *gasp* guess where Foggy and Matt are headed? 
> 
> Canon for DD through S3, Headcanon MCU AU because the Avengers know Daredevil and Canon for Titans through end of S2. I saw some of those Harley Quinn cartoons, too, and I totes stole her bat-joke.
> 
> Rotating POVs. 
> 
> OH - everything I know about comics I learned from fanfic and tumblr so this won't follow any kind of canon/storyline but my own and what I've gleaned from fanfic and hearsay, I will never be that dedicated.
> 
> Think that's it for now. ***  
> 

_at once I knew -_  
_I was not magnificent_

* * *

  
**_"Not everything's about you, Matt."_ **

It was the last thing she'd said to him before - before - 

After. It was After now, but still - 

_"I found her. Do you - "_

"No. Just - is she - " He didn't know how to ask what he needed to know.

_"It ain't about us. I told her about Nelson."_

Before - she would - but - it was after, After - 

_"Red?"_

"Damn."

_"I know."_

After. This was after and before, the new before, he wouldn't - couldn't think about the new after.

"I'm - I'm gonna go. Ride this out with Foggy." It was the first time he'd said it out loud - and it wasn't to Foggy himself, or Karen - it was to Frank. But who else did he trust right now if not Foggy or - damn.

He didn't want to think about the extended silence but goddamn if Castle wasn't more of a friend than a nemesis after - after, now. _"You walking away from the fight for - "_

"Yes. He needs me, he's never needed me and - fuck. It's not about me." It wasn't about Matt, it wasn't about Karen or Frank or Hell's Kitchen - it was about Foggy and - that was enough. 

_"Huh. You know where?"_

"There's a clinic on the West Coast."

_"Little far for a day trip if we need you."_

Wait, what? "I'm not - "

_"Right, you're not asking. Just like you didn't ask me to chase down Karen or blow up that meth lab - "_

He definitely hadn't asked for the second one.

_"I'll make sure you've got a Kitchen to come back to, take care of your boy."_

"Frank."

_"You ain't asking, I ain't making promises."_

God forgive him. "Look after my place?"

_"Can I put up blackout curtains?"_

"Not like I'll know if you do or don't," he said blankly. "Is she - "

_"Red. Don't worry about Karen."_

Okay. "Okay. Thank - "

_"Nope, none of that bullshit 'til you get back. But - "_

"I'll call you."

_"Once a week. Don't forward your mail, I'll pay the bills. You got money? Nelson got everything - "_

Matt closed his eyes but it didn't make a difference to the chaos in his head, the painful looming clusterfuck. Kindness. This was kindness and he - damn - he didn't deserve it. "I got it."  
  


* * *

  
Foggy used the biggest words he could find to explain his diagnosis. As if anyone heard anything after 'brain tumor', as if anyone processed anything after those two words dropped. As if Matt remembered how to breathe or what any words that weren't 'brain tumor' meant in the end.

He didn't want his parents to come home, he didn't want Marci to watch him get sick, he didn't want - there were so many things that Foggy didn't want - but Matt wasn't listening, wasn't filtering anything past his familiar, steady, alive - beat beat beat - beating heart.

" **Matt**."

He wanted Foggy to start over, to take it all back, to say something anything - 

"Matt. I'm not giving up, I'm - I'm gonna fight this, you know I - "

Foggy wasn't the fighter, that was Matt's job, what the fuck fuck _fuck_ \- 

"Matt. Are you listening?"

"Have you asked for a second opinion? When do they need to start treatment, what do you want - " Matt pulled questions out of the air, desperate for a bulleted list of where to fucking start - 

"I don't want - "

Marci threw something - full glass of wine from the sound and splash - and dug her fingers into Foggy's arm. "I'm not sitting this out, Asshole, you're my Foggy and I'm - "

"We're not getting panic married," Foggy cut her off.

"Not until I'm independently wealthy, we're not letting some stupid cancer bullshit fuck up our 5 year plan," Marci said - her heart pounding, thrumming with the lie. "But I'm going to be with you every step of the way."

He wanted their bickering to be a balm over - brain tumor - how - he couldn't fight that, he didn't know how to - 

"I want Matt," Foggy stated, ending whatever argument they weren't having.

"You can't shut everyone out," Marci hissed.

"Stop," Matt said. "Foggy, what are you talking about?"

"I want you to handle - everything," Foggy said, leaning forward and peeling his fists until they were fingers he could squeeze. "Just you, will you - "

Marci's heartbeat drowned out Foggy's and he tasted salt more than lingering wine. It wasn't about Marci, though.

"You're not thinking clearly. If you were, you'd remember how I get in hospitals, how I get when I'm worried. You would remember what you promised when you gave Marci that ring and how we all know you're trying to make her mad at you so you don't have to deal with everything else."

"She can't just leave her job to take care of me - "

Matt squeezed Foggy's fingers as tight as he dared. "Stop."

"The best specialists are out of state. It'll help - get the Feds off your back if you come with me. I can't ask her - "

"Don't make this about Daredevil," Matt replied automatically because - he couldn't let that affect any decisions about Foggy's health - life - God - "And you know it's not the Feds."

"He does?" Marci interrupted.

"I do?" Foggy asked a second later, releasing the hand holds to shake him.

"Castle put his friend on it. She didn't tell me much but they already had eyes on the puppet-master. I - told you that, I met her for drinks," Matt said, slowly realizing that Foggy must have - 

"I forgot. Shit, that's - I wouldn't have forgotten something that huge if - "

"It's fine, it's not important right now," Matt said. "We'll - make a plan."

"Three different doctors suggested a clinic in San Francisco," Foggy said softly. "I, kind of, already contacted their office for a phone consultation."

He inhaled through his nose. "Whatever it takes, Fogs."

"Marci - if you - "

"Yes, asshole, and I'm going to save all my rage at this little display of 'bros before hos' until after you're healthy again. Or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow," Marci said, pushing herself off the couch to go clean up the wine.  
  


* * *

  
Foggy wanted to come clean about his medical leave, so clients had the option to find alternate counsel.

He said he needed something to do and he promised - _swore_ \- that it would help him come to terms with his diagnosis and recovery plan - focus on recovery and plan and not diagnosis. Matt didn't protest and left him to it, sharing the office with Marci and making calls in his reassuring and utterly confident 'work' voice that Matt needed to hear Monday through Friday forever.

Matt took the time to close up shop of a different kind.

They didn't have much time, a few weeks because - _he didn't want to think about the_ because _part_ \- but he had to make sure the right people knew where Daredevil wouldn't be.

Jessica should have been the easiest since she was closest, and well, he was close to her - but things had been tricky lately. She'd finally - _it had taken forever_ \- finally asked him to help Trish. Matt managed to get her convictions overturned but he couldn't make her stay in the city or the state or the country.

He thought he'd done his part getting her out of jail; but Jessica had been on the warpath since Patsy Walker turned up as a Japanese talent show judge.

He told Jess in person that he was leaving town for a while. She said okay and closed the door in his face.

It was way harsh, to quote Foggy, but he - God, he probably deserved it.

He stood by it being the 'easiest' since he had to have actual conversations with Claire, Colleen and Misty. He left voicemails for Luke and Danny since they weren't in the city as far as he knew.

He already missed Jessica but he didn't have time to fix it when everything else was broken. He'd miss her just as much in California.

Jessica didn't have cancer, she wasn't dying and she'd never been **his** to miss. He had time - he would have time later to fix it.

He made arrangements. He sold stocks he shouldn't have and moved savings that he wouldn't need and scheduled virtual real estate walk-throughs for Marci and Foggy. Money was arrangements, unemotional and simple. He made a separate account for Theo and Anna and Edward to use for travel expenses, he paid his rent and the office rent for a year and arranged for utilities and housekeeping.

He bought Sister Maggie a new phone and made sure it had updated contact information for everyone in his list even though he knew she would only use it for his calls.  
  


* * *

_  
Bring the gin_  
_(Got the juice)_  
_Bring the sin_  
_(Got that too)_  
_Won't you just shut up know you're my favorite_

* * *

They had been 'home' less than an hour and Marci had been locked upstairs with Foggy for ten minutes. Matt was already *done* with this day and days before and beyond.

He knew Marci didn't mean most of what she said, at least he hoped not. She knew about his hearing, so she had to know he heard her blasting his flaws and uselessness upstairs.

Foggy didn't feel well enough to defend him and probably needed the break from the whole cancer eating his brain thing - or else he was lulled to sleep by her steady curses.

Matt didn't need defending, he didn't have notes or talking points - not after the airports and seizures and the noise - God - it had been hell for all of them. And Marci knew that Matt wasn't useless in an emergency considering everyone else decided to scream and lose their fucking minds when Foggy fell out in the food court.

They made it through three airports, a whole bunch of states, a hospital and an ahead of schedule meeting with the head oncologist - so fuck off - they had done all right to make it this far.

He couldn't tune her out when everything - EVERYTHING - sounded different here.

He could hear the beach, taste the salt and sand and - garbage, but not city garbage - he could smell - something sweet. Fancy and sweet.

He had showered, eaten something that tasted like plastic and grease at the hospital and had on sneakers.

Fancy and sweet.

He made his way down the sidewalk and slowly started his mental map of his new city - town - whatever. Swishing the stick finally filtered Marci's voice and Foggy's soft, sleeping breaths into background noise.

Fancy and sweet. He had money. He had time. The air was different, fragrant with exhaust and ocean. He was so far from home.

There was a dog. He wasn't sure it was originally supposed to be a dog, it smelled - strange - but San Francisco was supposed to be strange. The dog wasn't following him but was possibly following the fancy and sweet so Matt found himself trailing a dog.

_"I didn't need the truck, I'm sorry it sounded that way. I know. I know. I don't need a meeting, I'm fine. I swear I didn't eat your granola - I never eat your - okay. Yes. Me, too. Fine. I'm not - okay."_

The dog seemed to lose interest as soon as Matt located the fancy sweet source. He wondered if it had anything to do with the subdued man slumped outside of the pastry shop.

He hoped it was a pastry shop or bakery.

Only one way to find out - or maybe two. He stopped near the big guy and sensed his attention after a moment. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Sure, can I help you?" 

"I'm new to the area, is there a - bakery nearby?"  
  


* * *

Hank wasn't always a good Samaritan, but he wasn't an asshole. The blind guy turned out to be a welcome distraction from Dawn's 'I love you but I'm not in love with you but I still need you to love me' campaign. He does, he is and he always will but - Dawn is Dawn.

He helped the blind guy find the bakery, learned his name was Matt and walked with him through the nearby shops until they made their way back to his new place. Matt said he needed help moving in and Hank could use the workout before facing the Tower Of Tension again.

He hung back when Matt led him inside, not completely sure what the wad of neatly folded cash was supposed to be paying for since the house was already set up with a few stray boxes.

"Hey. Where - "

Matt put down the huge pink bag covered with ribbons and sighed, folding his arms around the thin blonde.

She splintered with sobs into his chest for a long moment and Hank turned to close the door - that much pain should stay private.

"Kidnapped a local to save us Yelp research," Matt hummed when the woman started to catch her breath and un-fisted her fingers from his shirt.

"I hate Yelp."

"I know." Matt stroked her hair as she pulled away, using his sleeve to wipe her face. "His name's Hank."

She was pretty with wide blue eyes and perfect skin, but her cuticles were raw and ragged. "Hi."

He raised his hand in a polite wave.

"He's muscley - let me know if you're going back to men, Foggy and I have a wager on your rebound odds. I'm Marci." She shook his hand firmly despite the tears still pooled in her eyelashes.

"Nice to meet you, but I didn't know I was getting paid for information. Thought he needed help moving stuff but this place looks stocked already," he hesitated.

"My place is next door and he can help me set it up the way I like it," Matt said.

Marci narrowed her eyes at Matt. "I was just venting, of course I'll help - I didn't mean - damn your ears."

Matt shrugged. "I've got the money and your only job is to take care of Foggy. I can handle my own arrangements. If he'd been more awake, he would have told you the same. Hank's already been a big help."

He frowned. "Sorry, how?"

"You helped me get oriented," Matt replied, reaching for the frilly bag. "Carried my stuff and now I know where the farmer's market is on weekends, the pharmacy, the gym with the whirlpool thing and the church - "

She rolled her eyes. "Church, right."

"I didn't tell you about any of that." He hadn't been that out of it, he'd enjoyed the walk.

Matt finally gave up on the bag and ripped it so he could slide out the neatly stacked pastry boxes. "I'm having a lot of trouble filtering because I'm tired and stressed out and hungover - and drinking didn't work on the plane, _Marci_ , you _liar_."

Marci gave Hank an apologetic look. "Matt's hearing and smell is amped up because he went blind when he was a kid, there are studies and shit and it's not weird."

"He had a weird dog following him," Matt said, not denying the woman's explanation. 

Krypto took himself for walks all the time but - he would have to check the dog's tracker later. 

"But this - will fix everything," Matt sighed.

"Everything?" Marci asked suspiciously.

"I have been chasing this smell since I went outside - I ordered four of everything."

Hank smiled when Marci's face lit up with recognition. "Macarons!"

"Correction, _fancy_ macarons, I'm told they're colorful and - " Matt started but Marci already had three in her mouth.

"Sorry," Marci said with stuffed cheeks.

Matt waved him over. "Save enough for Foggy when he wakes up."  
  


* * *

_But see I am no criminal, I'm down on both bad knees_  
_I'm just too much a coward, to admit when I'm in need_  
_I take a walk_

* * *

  
  
_"Where are you going?"_

_"That's three days in a row."_

_"Woof."_

Hank could have handled the kids' questions but the dog was too much. "Explain to me how it's your business?"

Dawn made a disappointed sound from the kitchen.

"Sorry," Rachel said under her breath, blinking those bright blue eyes at him. "We're so bored."

"I don't mind being stuck at home if I can play video games or watch movies, not train and do homework - can we come with you?" Gar whispered. "Please?"

"We'll be so good, you can drop us off at the library or - "

"Woof."

"Christ," he hissed, sending a text to Marci. That woman was linked to her phone and responded with a thumbs up before the screen had a chance to dim. He glared at Krypto. "Don't be a weirdo, you already creeped them out once."

Krypto sat down and raised a paw in promise. Liar.

"You have to be quiet and helpful." He was careful to glance and not glare at the teenagers - they weren't Super-Dogs that couldn't scoop their own poop.

"Wow, really? I didn't think it would work. Hurry, before he changes his mind." Gar and Rachel darted down the hall and left an opening for Dawn to walk over with her precious bowl of granola.

"Where _have_ you been going? Can I ask?"

"Made friends with some New York transplants." It wasn't a secret, he was allowed to make friends outside of the Titans and NA. He didn't know why he was so reluctant to share his new friends. "They're lawyers, one of them is here for chemo and I don't think any of them have ever been to the West Coast before."

Her blatant surprise should be insulting but he wasn't an asshole and she knew that better than anyone. "You can come, if you want. But Marci will probably kidnap you for nefarious girl purposes."

"Lawyers?" Dawn put down the granola without remarking on the 'chemo' or 'girl' mentions.

"Think so, Matt and Marci are signed up to take an exam to be able to practice here since they'll be around a while. They won't tell me what kind of treatment Foggy needs that's going to last that long but - I've only known them a couple of weeks."

"I'd like to meet them. I don't know why I'm being weird, I think - we've been linked at the hip so long that I'm still getting used to doing things on my own. Meanwhile, you're off making friends with lawyers," she smiled. 

Gar and Rachel skidded back to the elevators with shoes and bags, probably filled with snacks not allowed on Dick's nutrition map.

Hank considered the three, and a half, of them. "Please be nice to my friends?"

"Woof."

He sighed.  
  


* * *

  
"Hey - whoa, are you all right?" Hank didn't expect Marci to meet them outside.

Her eyes seemed to clear and she took in the guests. "Right. Yes. Totally all right. I'm glad you're here and with friends - I needed a time out."

Dawn hip-checked him and moved to introduce herself. "I'm told you may need an adult woman for nefarious girl purposes."

"What about me? I can be nefarious!" Rachel chimed in.

Marci let out a laugh that was only mildly hysterical. "Thanks. He - Foggy had his first treatment two days ago and they told me to take a break - but I don't know where - we don't have a car yet."

Dawn snatched the keys from his pocket. "I'll take Marci for her time out, be nice to the dog and don't lose the kids again." 

"One time," Hank murmured, earning a real smile from Marci.

She tapped his arm. "Don't let Matt stay with Foggy longer than ten minutes at a time without a break. His - nose is bothering him, we're calling it allergies."

He wasn't sure what that meant but he nodded his agreement and led the kids and Krypto into the house. 

Foggy was sitting on the patio where one of the recliners had been dragged into the sunlight. 

"Hey, Dawn took Marci, sorry for bringing a crowd," Hank started but Foggy waved his apology off. 

"No, I welcome the company - but I'll have to stay on the patio since I'm immunosuppressed for the next few months," Foggy said, his smile bright on his pale, drawn face. "Didn't even get a chance to see the city."

"Don't hear me whining about it," Matt said, walking into the room without his glasses and maneuvering through the sparse boxes to give Foggy a steaming cup of something. He immediately swiveled and pointed in the general direction of Krypto. "Weird dog!"

"Woof!"

"You think everything is weird," Foggy laughed, calling over the excited dog for pats. "I can't believe you brought me a dog to play with, it's like you knew I was having a blue day."

"Drink your tea first, before it goes cold," Matt said, face wrinkled in distaste. Hank didn't think it was the dog.

"The kids can work on your computer setup, if you still needed some help," Hank said to Matt.

"Right. And the gym, Foggy, will you be - "

Foggy was rewarding Krypto for drinking his tea and waved them off. "Go, I'll yell if I need you."

Matt gave Hank a grateful look. He tilted his head at the kids. "Did you warn them?"

"We know you're blind," Gar said.

"Great hearing and smell, so don't gossip or - do anything gross," Hank explained.

They glanced at each other. "Sure."

Matt smiled, a dark contrast to Foggy. Oh, he'd be great with the kids.  
  


* * *

  
Rachel liked Matt, he was bitter and funny but not condescending when he answered Gar's quickfire questions.

He was complaining about the placement of the punching bag, which looked fine and perfectly spaced to her, when his phone started barking at him.

_"Maggie. Maggie. Maggie."_

"Shit. Facetime, like that's different from a phone call to me," Matt grumbled as he clicked at the phone and Rachel muffled her laugh. "Hello, Sister Maggie."

"Matthew," the nun replied. Rachel had a rush of panic but it was only a woman across the country and she hadn't been scared off by the rosaries scattered around the place. "I expected to hear from you yesterday."

"I took your advice and drank half a pint of whiskey and slept three whole hours. Circadian rhythm be damned," Matt said.

"Dude," Gar whispered. "That's a nun."

"I think I suggested hot tea and a bath, but I'm glad it worked out. Are you going to introduce me to your guests?"

"Wasn't planning on it, but - Gar, Rachel, this is Sister Maggie." He waved the phone around.

"And?" She prompted.

"Are we really doing - "

"Yes."

"Fine," Matt groaned, placing the phone on the little stand so she could judge them all from the counter. "She's my biological mother."

"Thank you," Sister Maggie said, pleased. "Now, how do you know these stray children?"

"He kidnapped one of our mentors to do chores for him. We came to help," Gar answered.

"Oh, perfect, how about you show me the inside of his fridge and linen closet while he pouts about the perfect placement for his punching bag?"

"How do you - never mind," Matt sighed as Gar ran off with his phone.

"Your mom's a nun?"

"I only met her a few years ago and I'm still not entirely comfortable talking about it," he said, but continued to talk about it. "She left the church to be with my dad but went back after I was born. She's - a dear friend."

"Got it." She filed the information under 'it's complicated'.

"Do you have a problem with nuns or just Catholicism in general?"

She didn't think he was an empath like her but he was definitely perceptive. "My dad was - is - sort of an interdimensional demon. I have been told that the nuns that held me captive were a one-off kind of thing but - " she shrugged.

"Ouch, that would be hard to shake," Matt winced.

Gar returned, still smiling so she hoped Sister Maggie was cool. But Gar tended to like everyone so she'd still reserve her judgment a little longer. 

"Matthew. You look pale, tell me why your fridge is empty, no take out, no fresh - "

The man's confident mask slipped for a moment at his mother's call out. Gar settled down beside her on the small couch with a shrug.

"I can't be at the clinic when Foggy gets his treatment," he confessed when the nun didn't push.

"I thought that was understood, did he ask you to - " Maggie started, sounding concerned.

"No, but I had to try. And now he's home and I - I can smell it. The radiation - "

Ouch, his nose must really be supersensitive.

"He knew about Krypto," Gar murmured, sharing her wince.

Matt slumped down to sit with them on the couch with the phone. "I threw up more than he did. I can't tell him."

"Flowers, fruit, natural things with strong scents. I'd say you could put vapo-rub under your nose but - " Maggie cut her words off when she saw Matt's scowl. 

"Strong smells might bother Foggy, too, depending on the side effects," Gar said.

"Exactly. I need to get it together."

Rachel hummed. "Anything that blasts your senses but doesn't make you puke? Hot peppers?"

Matt's expression went blank but Sister Maggie winked at her on the tiny screen. "Oh, she's a smart one. Try it out."

"I will, and the flowers," Matt nodded.

"Call me tomorrow, on time so the Mother Superior doesn't confiscate my phone for being late for another meeting."

Huh. Rachel decided not all nuns were evil, or at least there was one nice one somewhere. 

* * *

_  
maybe I'm fucked up or maybe it's love  
  
_

* * *

  
Foggy took his treatments and Marci and Matt took the California bar. Matt wasn't sure why Foggy was so insistent that they 'stay on plan' when he was so far off-plan. He was stuck at home, poison pulsing through his veins with a smile on his face and Matt was stuck pretending like life could ever go on without him.

He enjoyed being a lawyer, always had, but it was better with Foggy. Right. Everything was wrong without him. He'd never practiced with Marci before, but she was still working part-time for her firm in Manhattan so he would be solo in court unless she tagged in.

So he had his law license, again, and an office, again, and no Foggy. Again. No, he still had Foggy, dependable, steady as a rock - just faded. Fading.

They made a routine and tried their best to stick to it - routine should be a comfort, but Matt's OCD only went so far. Marci and Foggy had each other and Matt, while he had new friends, spent his down time worrying about Hell's Kitchen and all the people he couldn't check on in person.

He hadn't heard his mother's heartbeat in weeks, Karen's in much longer - how could he explain the missing noise in this new state of cacophony?

He knew why he was in California, he knew his job and his responsibility to Foggy came before everything else. He knew this would be the most important thing he ever did.

But he needed *something* for himself.

He didn't do one night stands in Hell's Kitchen, too many risks, but San Francisco didn't have the same kind of risks. If he couldn't fight, couldn't spar, couldn't pray at his father's grave - he could make another outlet. He wouldn't fall into a bottle, but he could stop at a bar in his new, Marci-approved work suit and find out who would buy a blind man a drink, would would let a blind man take them home.

It wouldn't become a habit, he wouldn't let it but - he was too old to find a new hobby when he had old ones locked away.

* * *

He smelled rich, but didn't act like it and he had an easy confidence that Matt wanted to pick apart with his mouth. They made out like horny teenagers, giggling in their rush to stay quiet, to not get caught - as if they weren't grown ass men, as if this wasn't the fifth time in two weeks they'd ended up dry humping on his couch.

"First time you brought me home I thought you were shy, didn't turn a damn light on - " 

Matt laughed, hearing two - no, three - buttons pop.

"Didn't realize you were blind 'til breakfast," he whispered, shoving at his pants.

"Good thing you're pretty," Matt said, shimmying out of the offensive pants and going to work on his date.

He was definitely distracted by the pretty considering the click of the light caught his attention before the pounding heartbeats. Foggy - and Marci - 

_"Shit - oh my God. Sorry - Shit - "_

"Foggy, are you all right? Marci - " Matt shook off the haze of arousal and waited for the panicked pulses to steady.

"Um. You're not married, are you?" Dick whispered to him urgently.

"No, we were - worried that you were out late. It's late, Matt," Foggy blurted out.

"He was worried you were out 'drinking'," Marci said pointedly.

"Shit, I didn't know you were in recovery," Dick apologized, sounding more upset about that than the possible adultery.

Matt needed to find his clothes and a bus pass to escape this situation. Wait. "I'm a grown ass man."

"And he's not an alcoholic," Foggy said, fatigue laced in his voice. "But I get worried when my blind best friend is overtired and missing."

"I didn't mean to be missing." Matt shifted to stand up.

"And I didn't mean to be a nag, we can hug it out tomorrow when we're both wearing pants. Because you're not wearing pants."

"Oh my God, your dick!"

Foggy gasped. "Marci - that's so - "

"Shut up, he's Dick - that rich guy's kid," Marci corrected, reassuring Matt that there wasn't any more accidental voyeurism going on.

"It is my name. Dick Grayson and it's way too late for me to reconsider not changing it. Maybe we can shake hands tomorrow, so I can follow the pants rule and all."

"Absolutely - make him stay for breakfast, Matt, and use protection, do you have - "

"Please go to sleep, Foggy, I'm sorry for worrying you," Matt called over Dick's muffled laughs.

"I like your friends," Dick said, kissing him before he could sink into guilt at waking Foggy, at making him worry when all he did was worry and puke lately.

"I shouldn't - "

"Hey. At least now I don't have to ask why you came to California when you love Hell's Kitchen so much."

Matt leaned into his steadying cuddle. "Guess not. Does he - look sick?"

"Maybe a little pale, a lot tired, but so do you. He probably wears a hat during the day or I wouldn't have noticed at first meeting." Honest but - no.

"Dammit," he hissed. He didn't - he couldn't handle it being real yet. Foggy - Foggy would be **fine**. He had to focus on the problem at hand, or rather in his arms. "Why did you think I came to California before?"

"You're a lawyer, so probably not on the run from the law - you're in brawling shape, so you've got street smarts and you've got a family that gives a damn that you're safe. You're not a famewhore or a super-villain."

Matt's intended flirt hit a button because - Dick was lying. "Really? Ex-detective and you didn't run a full background check?"

"God, the fact that you care more about the ex-detective part than the celebrity part proves my point - but - I haven't figured out where you got the money."

"Money?" The fuck?

"Hmm," he hummed into his throat, trying to distract him with cuteness and swagger. "You can't afford this house or the medical bills on what's in your regular account."

"You could just ask." He fell right into the trap.

"Huh. Okay, I'm asking," Dick said, leaning back. He sounded genuinely curious.

"I cashed in some shares of Stark Industries. Gifts, you could say." Dick went completely still.

"SI stocks - "

"Consultant fees, not for legal work," Matt said, scanning him for signs of what the fuck he knew.

"Oh, I know _exactly_ how you got them - well, how your super secret friend got them. Nightwing's always been a big fan of Daredevil," Dick added.

Nightwing, that guy out of - oh shit. "No shit?"

Dick laughed, kissing him softly. "No shit."

Matt reconsidered everything. "I haven't punched anyone in weeks."

"Sex now, sparring later," Dick suggested.  
  


* * *

  
Foggy placed two cups of coffee on the counter and leaned back against Marci's reassuring shape. He was tired, felt like reheated shit and slow from the cocktail of drugs.

"You could sleep a little longer." Marci's voice soothed his nerves but he knew he'd fucked up.

"Gotta make this better first."

She sighed but didn't launch into another Ted Talk about the dangers of codependency, thank fuck. "You knew he wasn't out Daredevilling, he hasn't even tried out our roof yet."

_"Yes I have!"_ Matt's voice drifted in before the door to his section of the house opened.

Foggy tried to hide his relieved sigh but Matt noticed everything and had a worried expression on his face when he made his way to the kitchen in socked feet.

"You all right?" Matt asked, pecking Marci's cheek automatically before cupping Foggy's chin in his hand for a 'spot check'.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out.

Matt wrinkled his nose and tilted his ear toward Marci. "For what?"

Marci flicked at his frayed t-shirt to point out the line of hickies he wasn't even trying to hide. "Acts like he's never walked in on you getting it wet before."

"Ew," Matt and Foggy said together.

"I have never called it that, Marci, who have you been talking to?"

She shrugged and twirled her finger at him, sing-songing, "Still don't get why you're upset about it."

"I jumped to the wrong conclusion and I'm sorry. I know how hard this whole relocation has been on you and I thought you were - falling back into unhealthy coping mechanisms," Foggy said.

"I've been called a lot of things, I mean, my name *is* Dick, but 'unhealthy coping mechanism' is a new one," he laughed, giving a small wave as he walked in.

"I met him at a bar I couldn't afford," Matt sighed. "So you aren't completely wrong, if ill-advised hookups are what you were thinking of but we both know you weren't."

Dick accepted Marci's offered coffee with a polite smile. "I never met anyone that admitted to being from Hell's Kitchen before. Planned on picking his brain about Daredevil, but got distracted."

Shit - he glanced at Matt expecting full panic but finding - amusement. "Oh no. Is he a vigilante, too?"

"Worse," Matt grinned.

"What's worse than - oh."

Foggy turned to Matt and shook him as forcefully as he could manage. "Why are you collecting superheroes? That is not why we're here."

"He's just a hot guy, Fogs, nothing else. I'm not going out at night looking for people to beat up," Matt promised.

Dick raised his cup with a wink. "And he doesn't have to go out looking for people to bang because he found me, so his coping mechanisms are working fine."

"I don't like you," Foggy decided.   
  


* * *

  
"Uh oh," Rachel murmured, catching Marci's attention. 

"What?"

She sat up and watched Dick scan the sign on the door. He was carrying - a bag from **Matt's** favorite food truck. "I think I solved the house mystery."

Marci was immediately interested, lowering her voice. "The Bossman's Boyfriend Mystery?"

Rachel nodded, holding eye contact with Dick as he pushed open he glass door to the office. "Hi, Dick, did you bring me lunch?"

Marci boggled at her, then at Dick. Rachel had miscalculated since they seemed to know each other.

"I made you lunch before I left the Tower since I assumed you were working on your schoolwork with the others. I brought _Matt_ lunch because he knew I was coming to see the place. What are you doing here? How - "

She shrugged, just to piss him off before she dropped the real bomb. "Hank."

"Oh. _Shit_. I should have figured that out weeks ago," Dick said dully before lighting up with a smile. "But at least I know that his 'California Beefcake' friend is just Hank and not a real challenger."

Rachel was already three lines into a 'hahaha' text to Hank. She'd missed Dick while he was visiting Gotham but she and Gar had bonded more with Hank and Dawn which was on one of Dick's endless lists for the Team.

"You're the Bossman? But - you're the Boytoy, I'm going to have to redo Foggy's whole tagging system now, ridiculous," Marci groaned.

"How is Foggy? Heard he had a rough round last week," Dick said. Rachel glanced at Marci, alarmed they hadn't mentioned it.

"Better, we just limited visitors because, well, he was pretty sick." She paused in the hallway, leaning into a room before frowning at them. "Matt's taking a nap. He's having trouble sleeping at home."

Rachel saw the flicker of worry cross Dick's face and poked him in the side. "It's too early in your relationship for that to be your business."

"Sorry, she's totally right," Marci winced.

"He told me. I think he's dropping weight, too. His bathroom scale talks," Dick said softly.

"You watch his weight? That sounds like an invasion of personal privacy," Rachel said.

Dick shrugged. "You're a kid, you don't get privacy yet." He turned to Marci with his friendly, not 'camera-ready' smile. Rachel wanted them to get along, she liked hanging out with regular people that weren't afraid of super-ish-people. But it was nothing to worry about if Dick had been seeing Matt instead of an unknown variable.

"He's supposed to talk to Foggy about it, he has a list and everything but - it's not my place to push it."

"But that's the whole problem, Matt's bottling up everything so he doesn't upset Foggy and that makes Foggy worry and go full cling - " Marci blurted out.

Matt raised his hand like a zombie and everybody shut up. "I know you all weren't here when I fell asleep. Hey, Dick."

"Hey, Matt. Are you paying my foster kid for her services?" he asked, smoothly falling into place at Matt's side when he sat up.

"Not yet but I'm retracting all offers if she's the one that upset Marci," Matt said. "What's happening?"

"Tell me what's on the list you're supposed to give Foggy," Marci stated.

"Snitch," Matt said, leaning his head on Dick's shoulder. They were entirely too cute and she itched to snap a picture, but this was serious.

"You can't help anyone if you're wrung out with stress," Rachel offered, earning a glare from Dick for parroting one of his lecture/lessons.

"Our still unpaid intern is right - you still have to do schoolwork and rotate shifts with the boys since none of you have driver's licenses yet," Marci said to her aside. "Matt."

"I need to start sleeping in my own place next door or - somewhere else, I can't turn off if I'm in the same space as Foggy when he's - I can't stop counting his breaths, timing his heart - I can't turn it off, Marci, I'm sorry, I'm trying but - "

"He already noticed that you won't eat around him," Marci cut him off.

"The smell, I told him about that part. The chemo - it still takes me hours to get out of my nose," Matt whispered. Dick didn't let him bury his face in his hands, tucking him closer and pinning him in place.

"So that's like a week of not sleeping or eating since you were on clean-up last week," Marci said, sinking into a chair, radiating unhappiness.

"He doesn't want you to see him like - last week," Matt replied, doubling down on the unhappy.

"He's held my hair when I puked - "

"It's not the same thing, he had 'accidents' and - "

"You're all just doing your best, but there's gotta be some give and take in this three-way-codependency thing you have going," Rachel said, keeping her tone low because - damn, Foggy, why'd he have to be so nice? 

"You're not going to be able to manage clients and caretaking if you're dividing the load this way," Dick said, giving Rachel an encouraging nod.

"He could drop dating from his schedule, and I could drop yoga," Marci said.

"Absolutely not, you love yoga," Matt said.

"Thanks, Matt," Dick laughed.  
  


* * *

  
His hair had been thinning but today was the first time actual clumps were stuck in the comb.

He was still staring at the sink when Marci came in looking beautiful as ever in her shiny yoga pants and sports bra like a perfect - 

"Foggy?"

He was dying. He was going to die. He was going to be bald and dead before he was thirty-five. He'd never - he was - 

"Oh. Hey, it's - "

He started to cry, unable to stop the panic now that the cancer and the drugs and the tumor pushed through his defenses and took his hair - he loved his hair - it wasn't * _just hair, Foggy,_ * it was his - 

He didn't process that Marci wasn't comforting him or calling for backup until she reached past him to plug something into the wall.

The buzz of hair clippers pulled him completely out of his panic spiral because - no - "Marci - **No**!" - but she'd already shoved the blades into her perfect blonde hair.

Matt tumbled through the bedroom window - the second story window - because **Matt** \- "What's wrong, what - "

Marci pushed another uneven stroke through her hair. "Foggy's being dramatic."

"She's - Marci, don't - you don't have to," Foggy said, reaching for her hand.

Matt shook his head slightly, nostrils flared. "I don't know what's happening." He seemed to track a falling stripe of Marci's hair before he settled. "Oh. Hair. Are we doing that today?"

"Yep," Marci said, passing him the clippers.

"No - Matt, what the hell is happening!" But Matt shaved a crooked line through his hair.

There was a polite but urgent knock on the bedroom door.

"Oh, I totally abandoned Dick when I heard you scream." Matt put the clippers down and Foggy took full custody, yanking the cord out of the wall. "Not an emergency," Matt called on his way to the bedroom to placate his boyfriend - or whatever. 

"I completely disagree," Foggy said, taking Marci by the shoulders and spinning her to look at him. "Why are you doing this?"

She held his gaze without blinking. "Because you've been handling everything like a boss and you haven't noticed the hair until today and - we are not taking steps back, we are just moving forward. Do you still love me with no hair?"

"Of course I do - "

"And you're not going to cry before I've had my coffee and you've had your protein shake because we'll get too dehydrated." Her words weren't as steady but she didn't break eye contact.

Dick's laugh broke their moment from the other room. _"Oh, so you have a jacked up mohawk because **Foggy's** being dramatic? Sure, babe."_

"Aw, he called him babe," Marci cooed, pulling Foggy into a tight hug. "Are you all right? You don't have to be but - "

God, he loved her.

Matt appeared in the doorway. "Dick says we need professional help. His sugar daddy has a stylist on retainer, wants permission to make a call."

Fuck, he loved Matt, too, the fucking asshole. "Will you start coffee before you invite strangers over?"

"I will make your breakfast and Marci's coffee."

Marci kissed his forehead primly. "Thank you, and yes, your boyfriend can call his stylist because you look like shit."

"I haven't shaved yet, I was following the 'no drama before coffee' rule. We'll be downstairs."  
  


* * *

_but this California shit is rigorous_

* * *

  
Earthquake.

As if cancer and sunburn and smog wasn't enough to make Matt hate his temporary home - there was an earthquake.

Awesome. 

He'd been with Dick at Titans' Tower and heard the screaming before he processed the earth shaking.

A few emergency phone calls and a hacked satellite signal - thanks Dick - and he knew Foggy and Marci were safe, but it didn't do much for the growing swell of guilt from not being at the house with them.

He should have been there - he was only in this Godforsaken city to take care of Foggy and he wasn't even there.

The Titans didn't exactly suit up to take him home, but they made it a team effort. Foggy and Marci were okay but there were plenty of people that needed help on the trek back to them.

He was only a few miles from home when the familiar - for all the wrong reasons - buzz caught his attention. Only one thing made that sound - 

"Hope?" Matt stood up and left the circle of Titans staring after him.

The woman materialized in a blip complete with functional wings and a shiny suit. "What are you doing here?"

"There are people buried, we're still pulling them through - wait, why are you looking for me?" Matt shook his head sharply. "Who's in your ear?"

"It's all hands on deck, Barton said you could fight if we kept your face and name out of it - " Hope replied, finally taking in the group scattered around him. "Huh. Hi."

"Just a lawyer my ass," Hank grunted as he climbed to his feet.

"Fucking Barton, my clients are not supposed to break confidentiality with other clients - "

"To be fair, Scott told me when he hired you, Barton just told me today - can you come? Your roommates said you could come," Hope added.

Hank shook him by the shoulder. "We got this - thank you for finding them." He shoved a stocking cap - one of Foggy's - into his hands. "I'll head over to your place as soon as we finish."

Dick shoved something - armored - Kevlar maybe - over his arms and secured the vest. He recognized Rachel's scent when she zipped up the hoodie - the final forced gear.

"Um, I think that dog's trying to make you take his leash," Hope said.

"For your hands, but we don't know anything," Conner said.

"Thank you, Krypto - call me when you check on Foggy, warn him I'm releasing a flood of clients when I'm finished," Matt sighed as he took the leash and started threading them like ropes around his fists.

"I'll bring him back, nobody saw anything," Hope said.

"So who wins the bet?" Gar asked.

"Nobody because he hasn't told us outright yet," Dawn decided.

Dick hesitated and Hank shoved him. "I'm not a snitch," he protested.

"That was The Wasp, she's like, almost an Avenger," Rachel said, her awe finally catching up to her once Matt was out of sight, but still listening. "Should we have offered to help?"

"Not today, can't cross the mutant and metahuman streams if we're sharing a city," Dick reminded them.

"Yeah, remember when you asked Aquaman about that Namor guy? Thought he was going to burst into rage flames right there in the water," Gar said.

"Worth it," Rachel said under her breath.   
  


* * *

  
_"Really, Matt? Really?"_

Matt ignored everyone but Foggy, sliding down to sit beside him in the den on the floor. "Hope said I had permission."

"You ninja chopped a fish alien," Hank said.

"On live TV," Marci added.

"Do we have earthquake insurance?" Matt let his head fall back against the cushion.

"Maybe, but we're not getting our deposit back if you bleed on the carpet, are you - "

"There are like, three Avengers outside. I told them they weren't invited until I checked in," Matt said.

Marci cursed and hurried to the door and Foggy murmured instructions to Hank that Matt let fade into the white noise of his head.

"I'm a shit swimmer." He hadn't always been but the past few years - hated to swim.

"I know, Buddy. Hank's going to take you next door and patch you up while Marci and I lure in new super-clients to pad your reputation."

"Are you - "

"Everybody's fine, Matt but it's your turn to be coddled, but not when you smell like fish aliens. We'll put out fresh flowers for when you come back."  
  


* * *

  
"Tag me in." Natasha was already looming in his bedroom when he finished his shower.

He didn't bother asking where Hank was, she would have scared him off without a hello. "It's - "

"I know what it is and I'm asking you to tag me in. I'm based out of New York and you've known me a lot longer than Castle." Sharp, then soft. "Nelson's a friend."

"He's more than a friend to me."

"I know. Let me watch your back."

He sat down, accepting the folded stack of clothes from her. "Does it need watching?"

"Let's just say it's a mixed bag that you got on camera today. The DA's held three press conferences about Daredevil in the past month despite the lack of sightings in Hell's Kitchen. Matt Murdock's off the hook since he's been practicing law here for months while assisting in his partner's convalescence. You were also conveniently photographed on camera with playboy Dick Grayson in LA while Daredevil was fighting fish aliens today."

"Were they really fish aliens?"

"I know you're avoiding Daredevil news because you're consumed about Foggy. _Tag. Me. In_."

"Okay," he whispered.

She stiffened, he'd surprised her. "Thank you. Clint's been helping out with Castle but - we didn't know about Nelson's diagnosis."

"It's not terminal."

"Not anymore maybe," she murmured.

_"Please."_

She kissed his cheek and shoved his arms into a t-shirt. "Thank you for the Assist today. Tony's having a conniption because your Boytoy hacked the paparazzi before he had a chance to. Nice pull finding the most problematic bachelor in California now that Stark's married off."

"Jealous?"

"Intrigued, I don't care who you share my sloppy seconds with, but I'm not here to slut-shame." She squeezed his arm. "Is there anything we can do for Foggy?"

"Best doctors we could find are working on him. I'm always open for suggestions but - it's his body, his life and his decisions," Matt admitted. "You need to take that up with him."

"I will." She hugged him and he held on until someone - Barton - cleared his throat in the hallway.

"Come on, I need to check on all the things," Matt sighed, reluctantly pulling away and getting to his feet.

Clint grabbed him by both arms. "Seriously, dude, you make fun of my name for years and now you're all besties with Hawk-Man? Seriously? I'm so mad at you right now."

"Is that really his code name?" Matt asked after a beat.

"Idiot," Natasha huffed, slinging an arm around him.

"His partner is a ballerina, fights like you when you're feeling nostalgic," Matt said, earning a curious hum from her.

"You're lucky we're headed back to New York tonight or I'd ruin all your plans to make new friends." He had no doubt she'd do it, too.

"She's just jealous you've got an automatic invite to all those cool Gotham City parties," Clint said.

"No way, Matt is not allowed to go near that giant Bat cosplayer," Foggy called out, catching the tail end of the conversation as they walked in.

"I heard he fucks bats," Scott said. Hank choked on something in the kitchen.

"I have heard that, too," Natasha agreed and Matt knew one or some of them were winking at each other.  
  


* * *

  
"Thanks for the - alibi stuff," Matt said when he met found Dick in his weird computer room a few days later.

"No problem, but I might need you to return the favor at some point. It's been suggested that I take you out more," Dick replied, silky sweet. But damn if the smooth talking didn't work on him today.

"Oh yeah?" Matt asked, taking the invitation to straddle his lap in the fancy desk chair.

Dick supported his weight automatically, fitting his hands on his ass to hold him in place. "Yep. Need to make sure you have a new tux, fancy shoes, maybe a set of cuff links to track your slippery demon ass - "

"Hey, now," Matt laughed against his mouth.

"We do have to make an appearance at Janet Van Dyne's charity gala next weekend, blame your sister-in-law," Dick murmured.

Matt hesitated. He meant Marci and - well, it was mostly true. "If Scott's invited that means I'm there to chaperone - he's shit with rich people."

"Can't wait to meet him," Dick smiled.

* * *

_you tell me you hate me_  
_baby_  
_yeah I bet you do_

* * *

  
  
_"You didn't tell me about Nelson. How the fuck - Matt - I didn't know. I swear to God I didn't know."_

He blinked, lowered the phone to take a breath as if he was checking the screen before raising it to his ear again. "Jess?"

_"It hasn't been that long. I had to hear it from the deli guy - "_

"Theo's back?" Matt hadn't heard from Anna in a few days but - 

_"Tell me. Is he - dying? Cancer means - "_

Hank's steadying shape filled his senses. "You need to tap out?"

_"Who's that?"_

"Can I call you later, or divert you to Marci because - I'm feeling kind of attacked right now. I didn't lie to you and told anyone that asked why I was leaving - " but the cold realization - the icy acceptance of what he'd done washed over him. "You thought I was running away."

_"What did you expect us to think? You were either chasing the Page woman or going into witness protection and - "_

Matt ended the call and let the phone fall to the floor.

"That's a tap-out." Gar took both his arms and dragged him down the hall. "Lie down, Hank will call Foggy. Don't make me growl."

Matt didn't care, he sat down on Dick's bed and put his head between his knees.

Running away with his tail between his legs, of course his _friends_ \- people that fucking * **knew** * him - of course they'd think he was _scared_. Daredevil, the man without fear - a fucking joke, a fucking - 

"Matt, I need you to take a breath."

He missed her, missed Karen and Danny and even fucking Theo - he missed HOME so bad he couldn't -

"Breathe, that's good." 

"His phone's blowing up out here, can I answer it?"

Okay. He needed to say it out loud. "I'm okay, thanks, guys. Gar, can you bring it to me? I - I might need a ride home if you have keys to something."

Hank squeezed his shoulder.

Matt took the phone.

_"Please don't hang up. You're in California, you're on the news - Danny's in Malibu, you asshole, we could - I'm sorry I didn't ask more questions but - "_

"Foggy's on his last round of chemo before surgery. The tumor's finally small enough for them to cut it out without fucking up his brain. He'll have more chemo after, but they need him healthy enough to cut open his brain without killing him," Matt cut her off. 

_"God."_

"He asked me to come with him. I'm doing this with him. Fuck you. Don't call me back, call Marci if you want to know - I can't - I didn't **run**."

_"I know. Fuck me."_

He held the phone out to Gar who seemed closer than Hank, both probably staring in shock. "Can you block that number, please? I'm having emotions."

"Sure thing, Matt."

Hank hauled him to his feet. "Good lesson in Adulting today, go team."

"Totally marking this down as a psychology lesson, or sociology - Rachel will know," Gar echoed.  
  


* * *

  
"I wondered why I hadn't heard from any of _your_ clients, this does wonders for my self-esteem," Foggy said when Matt shuffled into his room. Foggy patted his bed and Matt obediently sat down. "You all right?"

"Not really. It wasn't a secret."

"You treat everything like a secret. I mean, you probably told them you were leaving for a while, and most of 'em didn't bother asking why because it was *you* telling them. Did you really leave Frank in charge of Hell's Kitchen?"

"Not officially. I asked him to find Karen before we left. I wanted to bring her back for you," Matt admitted. "There was nothing left to wait for when she didn't come."

"I still can't believe you convinced me to let Marci come, but, Buddy - I don't understand why you're so upset."

"I needed them to care," Matt hissed. "I needed - Jess was my friend and she didn't even ask and Karen - she didn't - you're everything to me, Foggy, you're - you are not insignificant and - "

"Congratulations!" Marci announced, hurrying into the room with a fresh bouquet and a genuine grin.

"For?" Matt asked after a beat.

"The case," Marci answered, taking in the tension. "What's going on in here?"

"Right, I won the yogurt thing, got a helluva settlement for our client," Matt remembered.

"Jess called him," Foggy told her.

"Oh yeah, Theo said she came into the shop and left a suspiciously big tip," Marci said.

"She hurt Matty's feelings and is now on his do-not-call list. At least until after the surgery," Foggy said, pushing thin - too thin - fingers into his Matt's stubbled hair. He hated the new hair.

"Noted. Anybody else because - Theo's go-fund-me account for plane tickets is blowing up."

"He has money for - " Matt snapped up but Foggy hushed him.

"You're already paying more than your share and he's only doing it because I personally requested he and my parents stay on the East Coast until I'm finished with treatments."

"You didn't tell them about the surgery, though," Marci pointed out.

"Yeah, I did. They're planning a trip three weeks post-op, depending on Matt's level of drama when he calls them to arrange it."

What? "Why do I have to arrange it?"

"Because they can read your face and I don't want Marci to have to deal with my Mom judging her choices."

Marci grumbled but didn't argue. Matt wanted her to argue. "She hates all my suggestions, but she'll love anything you do," Marci conceded.

Foggy scratched his head reassuringly. "You love my parents."

He wanted to hyperventilate but it was too much work. "Can we just - stop for a while?"

"I can make food if you won't puke it up after," Marci offered softly.

The doorbell made him want to reconsider hyperventilating. "Shit."

"Who is it?" Marci asked him, taking full advantage of his hearing now she was allowed to know about it.

"Danny, I think. Jess said he was in Malibu for something."

"Ooh, we'll link him to Theo's go-fund-me, that'll get him to take the jar off the counter," Foggy said.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many pieces of this but if I don't start posting them, I'll never knit it into the story I want.

* * *

_You got two black eyes from loving too hard_   
_And a black car that matches your blackest soul_   
_I wouldn't change ya_

* * *

Frank blinked at her from the bed, not taking his finger off the trigger. He noticed she didn't take her finger off hers either.

"Where - "

He frowned. "Hope you didn't plan on greeting Red like this."

Karen lowered the pistol and met his gaze. "Where is he?"

"Ain't been here in months. He's with Nelson." He didn't take his eyes off Karen as her two traveling partners shifted in the shadows. He was going to have a long talk with his dog in the morning.

"Matthew would never leave Hell's Kitchen unprotected."

He rolled his eyes. Ninja was just mad he left for Nelson and never for her, just like the Spy.

"He knows you're here." Karen's eyes widened with realization.

"I'm watching the place 'til he gets back."

Patsy - she hated to be called that so it's all Frank called her - flipped on the light and started rummaging through the emptied closet.

Karen sat on the bed and Frank took advantage of the pause to grab his phone. At least the sniper knew he had company, but judged it more text-worthy than alarming.

"Is Franklin okay? Why isn't he getting treatment here? Is he with his family?" Elektra fired off questions with sai gripped tightly in each hand.

"Specialist's in California. Local surgeons here wouldn't touch it, they got him on a whole plan out there," Frank said, sensing actual emotion from the undead woman.

"Oh God. I thought - I didn't know it was that - " Karen hissed out words like a deflating balloon.

"Inoperable brain tumor made you think it was a quick fix? Liar." She'd wanted to finish her mission before dealing with real life - Frank knew exactly where she'd been coming from and he hated it.

"You didn't say he was that sick," Elektra snapped at Karen.

She buried her head in her hands.

"Jessica's still here, she would have gone," Patsy said.

"She isn't over losing you yet, had some kind of snit with Red over it," Frank yawned, tapping out a 'U UP' to California. "And Nelson didn't want anyone to go with him, if you needed another sign to know how bad it is."

His phone buzzed to life and he answered on speaker. _"It's early, Frank, what's going on?"_

Max woofed softly, clattering into the bedroom at the sound of the asshole's voice. Lazy dog. "Got some unexpected company. You need to know?"

_"Do I?"_

Karen spoke softly. "Matt. Can I - "

_"Right, I do not. Add her to the Facebook group, will you, Frank? We're in the middle of some - stuff at the moment."_

"Matthew," Elektra chimed in.

 _"Can you take this - I'll do that, hang on, Fogs - "_ Matt's voice was lost to scuffling and Frank checked the date and the time again.

Marci's bright voice filled the space. _"Hi, Frankie, what's the emergency? It's a doctor visit day so we're kind of busy."_

Karen shuddered. "I'm so sorry, Marci, I didn't realize how - "

_"Oh, Karen, shit, hey - where the fuck have you been? Don't answer that, I don't have time to listen but - have Frankie add you to the Facebook group and text me your number, he can use the work line in case it's a burner."_

"Can I come out, Marci? Help or - " Karen broke through again.

 _"Not really a good time, but we can talk about it later. Foggy will definitely want to talk to you but we've had some motivation issues this morning and need to get going - no you cannot drive, put those down -_ "

Another scuffle and Matt's voice returned. _"Fine, whatever, do what you want. Hello?"_

"Call me back," Frank said.

* * *

"I thought you would be better off if I left you alone. I thought you had a circle of friends that you trusted - friends that deserved that kind of trust," Trish said, sliding into the booth across from her.

Jess stabbed her fork into the table, perfectly between Trish's index and middle finger. So she still had the reflexes. "Fuck you."

"Real talk - Karen didn't tell us Nelson was as sick as he really is."

Wait. "Full stop."

Trish beamed at the waitress, accepting a mug of coffee and asking for an extra order of bagels. "You didn't know I was with her? I thought - Castle knew."

"I don't run in the same circles as Castle." 

"Oh. Well, she's been with us." Trish pointedly avoided her gaze. "Me and Elektra."

She snapped the fork in half.

"It's - not what you think."

"You don't want to know what I think."

Trish grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Jess. I always want to know what you think. I'm - trying to make things right and - you were supposed to be nailed down."

"Make things right?"

She nodded firmly. "Yeah. We're on the same page, but you and me - we haven't been for a while. I need to get my head straight before I come home for good."

"And I'm not supposed to - "

"No," Trish grinned her thanks to the waitress with her bagels before returning her sharp, but painfully honest - for fuck's sake - gaze to her. "My mess - not yours for once. What the hell did you do to Murdock? You two were - "

"He couldn't replace a sister and I fucking hated him for it. At least I knew you were okay when you were locked in a cage, which makes me feel like a bitch on multiple levels."

But Trish was wincing. "Damn."

"Matt needs Foggy to be okay. We all need him to be okay."

"So are you going to sit here moping about it or - "

She narrowed her gaze. "Fuck you."

"I can front you the cash for a ticket - "

"I don't want anything from you." She sighed. "And he's really pissed at me."

Trish chewed, primly wiping her mouth. "Sounded stressed as fuck when Frank called him this morning. Hey, you know who he's dating, right? He was one of Mom's top picks for me back in the Patsy days."

She - didn't know. "Who?"

"Wayne's Circus Rat, goody-two shoes never put out and believe me, she never let me wear panties when we snagged invites to a Gotham party."

Gross. "Grayson?" She remembered that kid - and goody-two-shoes he was *not*. She liked that kid. 

"Oh yeah, he's showing him off like one of his Daddy's cars," Trish grinned. "Sure you don't want a plane ticket?"

* * *

  
_I want to_   
_I want to be someone else or I'll explode_

* * *

  
"Foggy would like you to come to dinner even if you spend the rest of the day hiding," Marci said, finding him bunkered down in his office.

"Not hiding, had a shit-ton of paperwork to file to finish off the yogurt thing and two more cases headed to trial in the next month. Can you figure out what I need to do to charge this thing? I can't find the right cord," Matt said, leaning back in his chair and holding up a cord that looked like all the other cords. "I should have gone into corporate like you said."

"Don't know if you've got enough soul left in you to crush," Marci said, taking his Dictaphone and placing it on the correct charging station.

"I'm not hiding," Matt sighed. "I'm - glad Danny's here, Foggy sounds ten times better now that he has the company but - "

"He doesn't know how much you've been balancing when you're not home, either."

"I want him to be able to depend on me to hold it together," Matt sighed. "I don't have the best track record, you know?"

"Oh, yeah, I know," Marci said, kissing the top of his head. "But it's never been this important before. You don't have to take cases if you don't want to."

"I need to stay busy and - "

"Hide from your friends so they don't see you struggling, but we're not discussing your coping mechanisms today, just making sure you know to be home in time for dinner. I can pick you up or - "

"You'll send Danny, I get it," Matt finished for her, managing not to slam his head into the desk in frustration.

"Good boy. I'm setting up interviews to find some real help around here since - the surgery's soon."

"I know, another reason I need to get this taken care of - wait, interviews?" Matt finally caught up.

"Absolutely because - shit, I forget how good of a lawyer you are when you put your back into it but..."

"I tell Foggy every day before I leave to make sure he's okay without me, I call him every hour - "

She startled him, covering his mouth with her palm. "Stop being defensive, I'm not hassling you about your BFF skills right now, I'm trying to keep your career on track while the rest of our lives fall to shit, okay? We need work backup now that we have Foggy backup. Do you trust me?"

Fuck.

"Good answer. I'll narrow it down to three and you can think it over."

He was already thinking it over. "I'll drop the cases. This is ridiculous. What are we doing?"

"Abort Mission, I made it worse."

Fuck. "We're not struggling. We're managing an impossible situation."

"And?"

"And maybe we need help."

Marci shifted. "I'm not sure if you're agreeing with me or about to say something I'll hate."

"I think it would be good for the Nelsons to see him before he goes for surgery. I know he's against it, but - they should be here. They should be here, right?"

She pulled up a chair. "Yeah. I need to get a couple of air mattresses and - "

"Tony offered a bungalow that he uses for investors and staff, figured they could set up there and we could rotate staying with Foggy - it's closer to the hospital than our place and we'll all have space."

"Matt, why do you live in a shithole if you have Avengers money?"

He leaned his head on the desk. "I don't want to profit from Daredevil. It goes against everything I believe in but - Foggy's worth the guilt and I promised him I'd use it for armor and mental health care. Foggy's my mental health provider, you know?"

She swatted at him. "I'll put my questions aside until Foggy's healthier but we *will* be talking about that again."

* * *

  
"Whoa, what was that - do that again," Matt broke out of Danny's hold and paused the spar.

Danny was breathless, too, so Matt felt slightly better about his 'fighting shape'. "Saw it on YouTube and wanted to try it out."

"So it's okay that Dick's recording your training session?" Rachel asked. He'd forgotten the kids were 'supervising' since they were using the Titans' gym.

"Ooh, can I get a copy afterward? I miss sparring with people that aren't trying to kill me," Danny said, helping him to his feet and shaking him, fondly. "I missed you last time I was home, now at least I can hang out with you when I'm stuck here doing business."

Dick shuffled into the room, faking guilt. "Faces blurred out, I'm not breaking any dimensional or vigilante rules. But yeah, can you do that flip kick again?"

Gar whispered loudly. "This is where they teach the difference between a face kick and a show-off face kick."

Danny nodded. "There is art in everything, including face-kicking."

Matt tackled him to the floor. It had been too long since he'd taken advantage of Danny's eagerness to brawl for fun.

* * *

  
"Oh, so it takes all three of you to grow a conscience? Interesting tact." Natasha held out her hand.

Frank flinched, remembering his cue and passing her the USB.

"I can get you to California, set you up with some fake credentials. Everything expires if you ditch Foggy," Natasha said.

"I would never - and I don't need your help."

"Yeah, you do. Matt's got new people watching his back that might not recognize you as a friendly considering your recent activities."

Elektra hummed, thoughtful. "The boytoy has great security. A lot of connections."

"Which is why this offer's only for Page. Foggy's family is coming out after the surgery, it would be good if you were set up before they have more company."

Karen nodded firmly. "If it'll get me there faster, I'll take it."

Natasha accepted her decision and turned to judge the rest of them. "Hell's Kitchen is a shithole and it makes my neck itch but it means almost as much to Matt as Foggy. Since there's nothing I can do about cancer - I can help them by looking out for their home. I'm bringing in a couple of ringers, use this as urban warfare training."

Frank bristled. "I told Red - "

"You rely on police scanners and security cameras, you're not micromanaging like Daredevil. You and the ladies need to hang back for the weekend rotations." She motioned to the window where several figures were silhouetted by the billboard.

"Did you clone Spider-Man?" Trish asked.

"You went to 'clone' really fast," Karen laughed.

"Two different little spiders and another part-time mass-murderer trying to work off red in his ledger."

Frank hadn't seen Deadpool in years. He wondered which memories the asshole would have this time.

"Cops love Spider-Men and DP is weirdly protective of the kids so I trust him to stick to the 'non-traumatic detainment' rules. That includes no fatalities, which you've been doing well with apart from the hospitals overflowing with gunshot wounds to the knee."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Title belongs to Bon Iver. 
> 
> Lyric tags belong to - in order - 
> 
> Bon Iver  
> SZA  
> Passion Pit  
> blackbear  
> The Neighborhood  
> Machine Gun Kelly  
> Panic at the Disco  
> Radiohead


End file.
